Thursday, August 17, 2017


It is so easy to look on someone else's problems  and assume that we have the answer. And to be critical of those going through issues that we believe are self imposed. But it's those moments when we find ourselves in adverse circumstances that we become less judgmental and more empathetic towards those in bad situations.

It's so simple to say take our lemons and make lemonade. But for the person who is struggling with those lemon experiences, getting up and moving forward at times seems impossible.

Here are some steps one can use to overcome and move forward through these adverse situations:

1. Know that you are not alone in your struggle. We are not the first nor the last to go through these experiences. I absolutely love to read. So I spend time reading topics that address my current issues. Also read biographies of people who overcame challenging situations and were able to make it.

2. Find a support group. I am a big church girl as most of you know. I find comfort in talking to my loved ones about challenges that I am facing. But it's not always the best option. Find a support group that is specifically designed to address your particular needs. These groups are great in keeping us accountable. Or consider counseling.

3. Make time for finding joy. Begin embracing and participating in those activities that have the ability to lift us out of our funk. Spend more time focusing on the positive vs dwelling on the negatives.

4. Don't self blame. Although our actions may have led us down a path of destruction, it really holds us captives. Look at the past mistake only with the desire to learn from them and find ways we can move ourselves out of that situation. But don't allow it to be a crutch.

5. Set a goal, (your silver lining) and spend time focusing on accomplishing that goal.

6. The bible is the best self help book that I know. Nothing beats spending time meditating on God promises. Remember, all our adversities, no matter how challenging, serve as an engine to propel us forward. It is hard thinking of our adversities in a positive light. I know you are saying easier said than done right? I have been right there thinking that same thing over and over and over....ok you get the gist. But at the end of the day, they are our opportunities to become stronger, wiser and more resilient. And if we can start conditioning ourselves to think of our adversities as opportunities, instead of obstacles, we are halfway to making them into the building blocks they are meant to be.

Please share with me your techniques in overcoming adversities. As I disclosed in an earlier blog, I am currently facing my own personal challenges and struggles. I love hearing from you.

Need your kind thoughts and prayers as I'll be welcoming my son before the next blog post.

One Love

Thursday, August 10, 2017


THE HABIT PROJECT: LIVING IN THE CRUCIBLE: Yesterday while sitting at my desk I felt compelled to plug in my earphones and listen to something motivational while I worked. I tuned in ...


Yesterday while sitting at my desk I felt compelled to plug in my earphones and listen to something motivational while I worked. I tuned in to Bishop TD Jakes on Oprah's Life Class. What I learned was so profound, I immediately felt the urge to share it with some of my closest friends. In this clip Jakes spoke about understanding adversities in our lives. He compared those moments to shooting a bow and arrow. The further back you pull the bow, the greater it's resistance, but when released it propels further. In his own words " use your disaster for direction, it is through adversity, that our strength is developed. It is through those moments that you realize, you're more resilient than you thought you were".


I'm living in it. I've lived in it before, and I'm sure my future holds many more to come. What am I making reference to? I'm referring to my current crucible experience. Im experiencing excruciating moments of pain and sadness. I feel as though I'm in a stew of pregnancy, parenting, maternity leave issues and business decisions that are not guaranteeing positive returns in a timely fashion. It's those moments of sadness , pressure and problems that my thinking is thwarted towards negativity.


The next morning, as I sat wallowing in my own self pity, taking multiple bathroom breaks and having personal breakdowns, I began to see the miracle of the preparatory period. The point before my crucible experience began where I was given an opportunity to become strengthened (my TD Jakes experience) for the storm that I'm currently experiencing. I begun to take note of the miracle that was afforded me to power through this adverse combination of issues. I have now begun the process of determining the best approach to each unique challenge. I understand that a higher power orchestrates and helps to channel us (if we are willing) towards the place we ought to be. But first we are giving a preparatory period which is geared towards strengthening us for the tough times ahead. We must learn to recognize our crucible experiences and recognize (most times in hindsight) our preparatory period and pull strength from it, so we can experience the exponential growth our crucible experience was meant to inspire.


Find your source of strength while going through your crucible and push forward. You can only get stronger.

One Love

Thursday, August 3, 2017


So when life gives you lemons, you go ahead and you make you some lemonade. The whole Bey hive was a buzz when Beyonce released her lemonade album. Needless to say, many of the things that she sang about were tied to her marital issues, (or at least it seems that way). But let's assume that it is true. While most of us were busy on a witch hunt for "Becky with the good hair". Beyonce was smiling all the way to the bank.

The deeper message to this album though, is not necessarily the actual reveal of infidelity on Queen Bey's husband's part, but the fact that she turned her "lemon experience" into "lemonade". And walked away with millions. (Are you still searching for Becky? Good luck).

Instead of allowing the negative situations that happen in our lives to immobilize and cripple us, why not instead use it as a tool to make us stronger, resilient and successful. Life gi u dem lemons, go make u some lemonade. So whatever it is, don't allow it to define you. Instead make it propel you.

It is ok to mourn or allow ourselves to be saddened by the lemons in our lives, but we can't allow it to consume us. For encouragement read Jeremiah 29:11.

Please leave me a comment and SHARE my post on your social media sites.

One Love

Thursday, July 27, 2017


So I awoke one morning in 2000 and something and realized that mentally I had changed. I had just turned 27 with no marital prospects in sight and trust me, if you're a single female in the church, it means something. But what was amazing to me (not that I wasn't stressing the marriage thing) was how much I began truly understanding myself. I began seeing traits and desires in myself that I never really paid attention to before. I had truly developed the desire to be the most authentic me. I began reading books that were geared towards personal growth. I had truly began the journey to finding myself. So here is what I came up with.

What Brings Me Joy

One of the most important questions I have began asking myself is, what brings ME joy. I have realized that I cannot allow other peoples' thoughts and other peoples' opinions drive my decisions. Ultimately I have to live by the beat of my own drum. In order for me to understand what really brings me joy, I had to do a lot of soul searching to find my value system. What are the values and principles that drive me? What do I believe and if this is what I believe, am I willing to die for it? My belief system tends to fall under a few categories: 1.Spirituality, 2.Family, 3.Self. Narrowing down my core values have really helped me to determine what really drives me and what truly brings me joy.

My Choice of Friends

Choice of friends have also been a big part of finding self. Reason being, my friendships mold my growth or lack of growth. Choosing friends who aid in my personal growth is also determined by my core value system. Are my friends uplifting me or are they tearing me down? At times it may not seem very clear cut, but for me I have to guard my mind and determine with each conversation, was that a waste of my time or did that conversation really uplift me. Even though it is important to step out of my comfort zone, I have to choose friends who mirror my value system. Our friends do hold significant amount of sway in our way of thinking. Even when we move by the beat of our own drum.

Staying True to Me Behind Closed Doors

How do I approach my day to day activities? If being hard working is a part of my value system as I claim in my writing, then how I show up to work, whatever gets my stamp of approval, should reflect that. I have to become the woman that I claim to be, not necessarily for outward show, because I can pretend, but for my own peace of mind and sanity. How I show up to work is for me a work in progress, which is why I write my thoughts down. But as I struggle with growing from mediocrity, complacency and procrastination I have to constantly self assess. How I do the little things in my life, will dictate how I do everything. I cannot be a winner in big things, if I cannot be trusted with the little things.

Dear friends, I encourage you to determine who you are. Find your core principles, and live by them. Allow yourself to become the person you were meant to be.

Please share with me your thoughts and challenge me on mine by leaving me a comment. Also, if this article added value to your life, please share it with others.

One Love


Thursday, July 20, 2017

From Bayview Projects - Canarsie Brooklyn!!!!!!!!

For many of us living in the US, Starbucks is a household name. Whether or not you are a coffee drinker, there is no doubt that you have stepped into Starbucks a time or two, either to purchase pastry or their multiple lattes or to meet up with friends, study, relax or use free wifi. I've done them all. Starbucks isn't just any old coffee shop, it's a culture. And not only does it have its own vibe, it also has its own language.

What most of us may not know is that Howard Schultz, the CEO of Starbucks is not only a NYC kid, he grew up in the Bayview projects in Canarsie Brooklyn. His parents were poor, not just poor, they were very poor. (For those who may not be accustomed to American culture, the projects is government subsidized housing which is unfortunately stigmatized as poor and crime filled). My question is, how does someone with such a past and from such a beginning have such a great accomplishment? In one of my previous post I talked about the fact that your past should not define you. One of the keys to Schultz 's success, is the fact that he was determined from an early age to break that cycle of poverty in his family. In his book Pour Your Heart Into It. How Starbucks Built a Company one Cup at a Time, Schultz writes " my story is one of perseverance and drive. I willed it to happen. I took my life in my hands, learned from anyone I could, grabbed what opportunity I could, and molded my success step by step".

Howard Schultz wasn't exceptional as a kid, nor is he more gifted or talented as an adult. But his success like the success of so many others is one of 1. Dream, 2. Drive 3. Determination and 4. Dedication. Nothing at all is beyond our grasp if we incorporate the four D's in our lives. In addition to this,  one has to be coachable. Being open to learning new things,  stepping out of our comfort zone and actively looking for opportunities to grow. Accomplishing our dreams, especially very big dreams are no walk in the park. It takes a lot of work, very hard work. And it's often times a long, lengthy, frustrating process.

I encourage each person reading to dream big, don't settle,  and don't assume that your time has passed, regardless of your age or current situation. Never limit or doubt yourself.  Redirect your thinking to one of win win. Sky is always the limit, but only through the 4 D's will you get to that place of greatness.

One Love

Thursday, July 13, 2017

10 Thousand Hours to Perfection

One day I sat watching Elmo with my toddler. In this episode they had a two headed monster who was giving directions to someone trying to get around in New York City. But when they got to giving directions to Carnegie Hall, the directions given were "practice, practice, practice".

We might assume that this is funny, and the slight message could have easily been missed. But in order for someone to make it to the stages of Carnegie Hall, it's not talent, it's skill. If you have been following me, you know that I place talent and skill in two different categories. Talent we have naturally, skill we have from hours and hours of "practice, practice, practice".

This post is written for those of us who are desiring to excel in a field that we believe we are not competent in. But for the person who is new to a particular activity or task, competence never comes as a result of being talented, becoming a master of a particular task comes from repeatedly doing this activity until it becomes effortless. "Practice isn't the thing you do once you're good. It's the thing you do that makes you good" Malcolm Gladwell. Not only do you spend time practicing, you practice with a desire to identify and correct your mistakes. This is extremely important, what's the sense in repeatedly doing the wrong thing over and over.

In the book Outliers by author Malcolm Gladwell, he looks at various people or groups who have truly mastered their craft. He writes "the student who ends up the best in their class (musically) begin to practice more than anyone else 16 hours/ week by age 14. They are practicing purposefully and single minded playing their instruments with the intent to get better. The elite had over 10,000 hours of practice". Can you imagine that, to truly become a master, it takes roughly 10,000 hours of practice. It is said that 10,000 hours of practice is equivalent to ten years of performing a task. That may explain why many employers ask for ten years of work experience.

There in lies the key to perfecting a craft. Being the under dog can be extremely discouraging. However, knowing that you are the underdog should motivate you to action. Action isn't merely putting in a few hours here and there, but intentionally and obsessively spending hours and hours working on and mastering our craft. That distinguishes those who become masters and those who remain average.

Please share, like and leave me a comment. I do enjoy reading your thoughts.

One Love