Being pregnant is supposed to be an exciting time in your life. But here I was; hiding myself. I had just started a new job and was newly pregnant. I remember leaving employee health and wellness crying to my husband on the phone. I remember talking to my girlfriend Pat and having meltdowns.
After all why would I be ashamed of being pregnant? To find the answer I began analyzing my thoughts and really thinking why this was such an emotional journey for me. It could not be the fact that we had only planned on having two. Could it be the fact that my last had not yet turned two? It had to be more than all these things. What was the cause of my emotions towards this baby?
The Answer:
Peoples' impression of me. I cared so much about how I may be percieved that I traumatised myself into thinking; becoming a mom one more time meant I was careless and didn't have a handle on my life. I allowed myself to believe that I was going to be viewed as a liability to the team at work versus an asset. I saw them judging me, even saw them gossiping me. And to think it was all self imposed, self inflicted, negative self talk.
Pushing Back:
It is so important that we begin the radical journey in changing the perception we have of ourselves. I honestly believe we can only begin doing this by making a conscious effort to listen to the conversations in our heads. Sometimes the negative self talk is loud, those we tend to pick up quickly and address. But it's those small talks, those idle in head conversations when we feel fear and doubt.
You and I both know we were created for a beautiful purposeful life. Do not self sabotage. Bring confidence to the table at all times. Do not allow it to be invoked only when we are applauded but begin learning to applaud yourself in the dark when no one else is looking and listening.
One Love
Danni
After all why would I be ashamed of being pregnant? To find the answer I began analyzing my thoughts and really thinking why this was such an emotional journey for me. It could not be the fact that we had only planned on having two. Could it be the fact that my last had not yet turned two? It had to be more than all these things. What was the cause of my emotions towards this baby?
The Answer:
Peoples' impression of me. I cared so much about how I may be percieved that I traumatised myself into thinking; becoming a mom one more time meant I was careless and didn't have a handle on my life. I allowed myself to believe that I was going to be viewed as a liability to the team at work versus an asset. I saw them judging me, even saw them gossiping me. And to think it was all self imposed, self inflicted, negative self talk.
Pushing Back:
It is so important that we begin the radical journey in changing the perception we have of ourselves. I honestly believe we can only begin doing this by making a conscious effort to listen to the conversations in our heads. Sometimes the negative self talk is loud, those we tend to pick up quickly and address. But it's those small talks, those idle in head conversations when we feel fear and doubt.
You and I both know we were created for a beautiful purposeful life. Do not self sabotage. Bring confidence to the table at all times. Do not allow it to be invoked only when we are applauded but begin learning to applaud yourself in the dark when no one else is looking and listening.
One Love
Danni
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