THE HABIT PROJECT: The Love Letter

THE HABIT PROJECT: The Love Letter: If you could go back in time what would you have changed? If you could write a love letter to your younger self, what would your advice b...

The Love Letter

If you could go back in time what would you have changed? If you could write a love letter to your younger self, what would your advise be? Those of us who are parents have the unique oportunities to show our children the mistakes we made and try as best as posible, without imposing our biases, to steer them in the right direction. 

So instead of writing a letter to my younger self, I'll instead write this letter to my mini me, Kaity.

Throughout the years I have grown, I've made lots and lots of decisions. I've made great choices, and I have made bad choices. Because of these choices, and the consequences, I now know how to guide you from repeating those mistakes and also making positive decisions that will no doubt affect you in years to come.

1. Value yourself:

There will be those moments of insecurity. And there will be times of peer pressure. They come in many forms. But if you value yourself, if you have a sense of self worth, then those moments will not scar you. You are no doubt in my eyes, precious and beautiful, but you have to believe that for yourself. 

2. Let your beauty radiate:

Don't allow your outward beauty to outshine your inner beauty. Character is way more important than physical beauty. 

3. Happiness is from within:

No matter what you acquire, if you are not happy from within, you will always be unhappy. I am not against wealth and success, but ultimately what's most important is to be appreciative of what you have while you work towards bigger and better things. 

4. Think Long-term:

Begin each day, each moment, each project, each decision with the end in mind. If you know what you want to accomplish, then manage your activities accordingly. Do not be mediocre, don't make a habit of procrastinating. Instead think about what the end should look like and move towards your goals with your vision firmly stapled on your mind. 

5. Dream Big:

No dream is too big for you to accomplish. But dreams and goals can only be accomplished one step at a time. If you value yourself and you begin with the end goal in mind, your dreams will come true. But it takes hard work, dedication and a belief that it will be done. 

6. No sweat:

Don't sweat the small stuff. Not every negative comment is worth responding to. Some people may like you, others may not. What's most important is that you know who you are. 

7. Don't covet:

Don't dislike someone for what they have. Each person has their own path to walk, embrace your own. Instead, enjoy the things God has blessed you with. Seek to uplift others, not tear them down.

8. Serve others:

This week I tried teaching you about other children in less privileged circumstances. Try to serve others who are not as fortunate as you are. Your methods may not be the ones typically used main stream for example volunteering. But what ever your method, don't live a life only for you, but live one of service to others.

9. Be humble:

Live a life of gratitude but live it in humility. Showing off is a sign of insecurity. You won't draw positive attention to yourself that way, and you won't attract genuine friends that way either. 

10. Give God praise:

I saved the best for last. I raised you with certain principles that I believe are best. Allow your life to be a principle centered life. Allow God to be the center of your life and decisions. If there was one message I could pass on to you, it would be, to put God first.

I really honor your feedback and comments. Please share with me your thoughts and challenge me on mine. Leave your comments below.

One Love

Danni

YOU'RE NOT LISTENING!!!!!!

I learned something very interesting today from auther Stephen Covey in his popular book "Seven Habits of Highly Effective People". He urged his readers to "seek first to understand then to be understood". That really stuck with me, reason being most conversations are spent diagnosing the speaker and imposing our beliefs without really thoroughly spending time to truly understand the other persons point of view.

My husband and I were recently invited to dinner at a friend's home. After dinner we got engaged in a very heated political debate, it was very emotionally charged. We heard the opposing side of my friend's brother. But seemed so engaged in our own conviction that we really didn't spend time to listen. That conversation stuck with me, because even though I did not agree with my friend's brother's point of view, I saw in that conversation the importance of truly seeking to understand the point of view of others by not just hearing, but really putting ourselves in their shoes. Really spending time to listen.

Seeking first to understand means we learn to listen before speaking. It means being open to being influenced by the other person's view point. However we enter conversations with our own convictions and preconceived notions. We are usually preoccupied with winning an argument or responding in a conversation instead of really listening and understanding.

So I urge you to truly be present and in the moment the next time you are in conversation or in a heated debate or arguement with someone. Don't say "I understand" without truly listening. Spend time to understand that persons point of view, spend time to put yourself in that persons shoe. Seek first to understand, then to be understood. The difference will be profound.

Listen with me.

One Love
Danni

MY FEAR THAT'S CRIPPLING ME

A mind is truly a terrible thing to waste. When I would hear motivational speakers talk about negative self talk, I really didn't quite get it. I assumed that negative self talk was this loud megaphone in a person's head yelling at them about how unworthy and incapable they were of doing something or accomplishing something. But I was so convinced that negative self talk was not one of my problems. Then I began to listen. And it became very evident and clear that I had chosen to host conversations in my head that were so limiting to my personal growth.

I struggle with this on a daily basis. Just the fear of moving forward towards living what I know for me will be a purposeful life is crippling. It's so evident in others but we rarely identify it in ourselves. How can I stop that nagging negative self talk is a constant thought of mine. Here are a few steps that I'm committed to taking, in order to get those thoughts under control.

1. Become clear about what I want to accomplish. It is important to totally understand our own goals vs the desires others have for us, especially our parents. So many times we become uncomfortable with the things we are pursuing, reason being they were not our goals to begin with, they were the ideas that have been imposed on us by others. So I need to identify clearly in my head then write it down on paper what I want to accomplish.

2. Making a decision that this is the path that I am going to pursue. Also write this down on paper for clarity sake. Making a decision is such an important step in acknowledging and accomplishing the goals that we have set for ourselves. Also setting a date on when this goal will be accomplished and the micro steps that need to be taken in order to accomplish the goal. Again, write this on paper.

3. Acknowledging the fear that will come with setting this goal. FEAR is false expectations appearing real. When those thoughts come, make a note of them then identify why this particular though or feeling is false. Begin an I CAN journal. Identify 10 reasons why I can accomplish this goal and why I am worthy of accomplishing this goal.

4. Power up with motivating quotes, books, videos. Allow into my personal space information that will enhance my self confidence. Also power up with more knowledge in the desired field. Take the necessary steps to become an expert in my desired field.

5. Eliminate or limit toxic people. Limiting contact with people who will not support or build my dream. Instead get a mentor, someone capable of coaching me. I got this thought from Lisa Nichols, people will not understand my dream because God didn't give that dream to them, he gave it to me.

6. Take massive action. Begin implementing my micro goals or steps one by one. But step out in confidence knowing that if God blessed me with an inspiration or a dream, He is committed to seeing it through. God is not mediocre, so I better bring my best game.

Please dream with me.

One Love
Danni

WHO AM I?

How would I like  to be remembered when I breathe my last breath is a thought that I have been struggling with. The vision that I have of myself, is that how I am being viewed? How does my spouse view me, how does my child view me, how am I viewed among my friends, coworkers, acquaintances, strangers? Do my words and actions align with who I say I am or who I think I am? Here are four of the qualities that I pray will become part of my personality.

A Builder:

I've always had a thing for real estate investing, but this is not the type of building I'm speaking of. I want to be the person who builds others up. In our relationships, especially when we are angry, we can say the most harsh and mean things. I no longer want to be the person who tears others down in conversation or even in an argument. Who drops mean and unkind comments about others, or even harbor negative thoughts about others. Instead channel that energy into building others up.

A Risk Taker:

I want to be that person who doesn't allow herself to be discouraged by a challenge. Someone who goes after living her dream. I want to fearlessly step out of my comfort zone and work assiduously towards creating the life I want for myself.

A Christian:

Not only by name, but truly allowing Christ like principles to guide my life. And to guide others to Christ.

A Happy Person:

I want to be that person whose personality is infectious, laugh is contagious. Who brings that happiness into the room. I want to be happy but also make others happy, regardless of my circumstances.

This list has no doubt been cut short. But they do capture the essence of who I want to become. What are the character traits that you want to be remembered for?

Please
Be a builder, a risk taker, a christian and a happy person with me.

One Love
Danni

Having Crazy Faith

What exactly is crazy faith? Is it believing that something is possible or is it believing that this possibility is yours? I remember having a conversation with my husband who was very convinced that a particular person could accomplish a particular goal. My question to him was, so why can't we accomplish that goal? There are times we can pinpoint greatness in others. We see their possibilities, but we don't see our own. Or maybe we do see our possibilities but we fail to act on them.

I spent the greater part of today listening to Lisa Nichols on youtube. Hearing her story of where she brought her self from to where she is stirred me. Most of us are not starting at the literal bottom, but we have failed to move into our purpose. You see, there is that little voice in my head and I'm sure you have it too, that is saying " I made you for greater things than this". Whatever your greater is, find it and purpose in your heart to make it a reality by having "crazy faith".

When I look back on my own life of how I took a leap of "crazy faith" and moved to the US, I see how passion and determination can propel you forward. When I see how I was able to complete undergrad, I can attest to how a solid why can move you to success even when the odds are stacked up against you. Then the complacency of completing that goal, and not having a vision of what should come next stifled my growth.

My goal is to challenge both you and myself to gain or regain the spark of determination, grit and "crazy faith". Not defining your present by your past but moving forward into your purpose. Growing and excelling with authority not being shy or bashful but without fear and without shame move forward with "crazy faith". As a christian, I don't believe God placed in us a spirit of fear. So end all negative self talk, doubt, fear and procrastination. Live your "crazy faith" because God created you with a purpose that is unique to you. Live your "crazy faith", because your happiness depends on it. Live your "crazy faith" because nothing else matters but living in your purpose.

Please Crazy Faith with Me

One Love
Danni

Falling In Love

I am so in love, very much in love, head over heels in love and its giving me goose pimples. It's the type of love that captivates you, sweeps you off your feet. So who am I in love with? I'm in love with me.

Self love is one of those things we automatically assume that we have, but our actions may not necessarily tell the same story. For example, are we taking care of our bodies or are we engaging in habits that are depleting us? Are we nurturing our relationships or are we taking them for granted? Or are we renewing our spirit or are we taking our spiritual growth for granted?

Taking care of our bodies:

• We need to becoming more aware of what we eat, we can do this by planning our meals as opposed to grabbing stuff on the go. We don't have to be a green juicer in order to be healthy, but truly understanding that a healthy body is a gift that must be cherished and that most health issues we encounter especially in the United States are diet related. That being said, in order for us to truly be in love with ourselves,  we need to really be more particular about what we eat, how much we eat and when we eat. We need to incorporate eating practices that really nourish us. (I am currently on a "change my diet" journey, I will share that at a later date) Exercise- for me I've found engaging in speed walking way more effective in keeping me toned and looking and feeling healthy vs going to the gym (though both do work for me). Find the exercise regimen that works for you and incorporate it into your daily life. Each persons' needs and body is different so you don't have to do what someone else is doing, but be proactive in finding the right regimen and stick to it. (Some people say having an exercise partner works well for them). Water- we should not take our water consumption for granted. I believe most of us, myself included do not get sufficient water on a daily basis. But drinking sufficient water is such an important part of keeping healthy (and having beautiful radiant skin).

Nurturing Our Relationships:

• Quality time spent appreciating our loved ones is so important. It is so easy to take the ones closest to us for granted. But spending quality time with them, listening to them (sometimes I really need to listen more and talk less), uplifting and encouraging them is so important. Randomly sending that "I'm thinking about you or, I'm praying for you" text to a friend or putting down the phone, muting the TV when our child or spouse is talking to us shows that we are actively listening vs just being there. Truly listening to the other persons' side in an argument is also helpful in diffusing arguments. Also, not engaging in bashing our loved ones.

Renewing Our Spirit:

• This should have been first. I believe that this sets the tone for everything else in our lives. Begining our days with gratefulness and giving thanks. Plugging into God, prayerfully asking for guidance and direction. Spending quiet time to appreciate the beauty that is around us and focusing on the positive. It's mid day in winter yet I'm hearing the birds chirping and I'm in NY city. There are noises all around me, yet I'm only tuned into the chirping of the birds. If you have never done it before, try spending quiet, alone time, first thing in the morning, and practice being grateful. It will set the tone for your day. You will be very pleased.

There are many ways to engage in self love, please share your thoughts on loving ones self. I would love to get your feedback. Also, if my blog has added value to your day, please follow, leave a comment and share on your various social media pages.

One Love
Dan